Author Archive for Michelle Kunz – Page 2

Your Personal Leadership Power Charge (April 2012)

PEL Coaching, LLC

7 Things You Can Do Now to Increase Your Satisfaction

Earlier this week I read a blog post by the Purpose Fairy entitled 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy. This a fairly exhaustive collection of stuff that gets in our way, with some ideas on how to start letting go of it and make a positive shift.

However, I’ve noticed with my own experience and with my clients that you can’t just let something go or give something up. No matter how hard we try, the vacuum that is left in the gaping hole of what we left behind will try to drag us back, and this is usually pretty irresistible to most of us. It’s true in nature as well. Air and water will both flow with great ease (in the absence of anything to stop it) toward a hole where there isn’t any of it and try to fill up that space. In order to REALLY make a lasting difference it is not enough to simply give something up. We MUST replace it with something else. We have to plug up that hole. AND, even more importantly for greater success, that something else has to be really ATTRACTIVE. The something else must have at least as much appeal as the something you gave up. It has to be as seductive. And if it has even MORE appeal, you will be energetically entranced by your idea of it and be more willing to easily move toward it.

Let’s Create Something Juicy!

I was recently a participant in a workshop led by Katie Hendricks on Conscious Loving and Living. Katie is a big fan of “juiciness” because that aptly describes the quality of attractiveness that gets us excited or “juiced up” about something. When we create a vision with sufficient detail and emotional connection to what we truly desire, that creates a kind of “juicy” anticipation which can energize us through the times when we will feel challenged or tempted to give up.

So let’s get going! I’ve created a list of seven things you can do now to get juicier. Give one or more of these a try and let me know which worked best for you.

  1. Eagerly seek out and embrace the mystery of not knowing. We like to think we know a lot about a lot of things, and there are certainly things we do know. However, our conviction that we know (and that we are right about what we know) often gets in our way of discovering the new way of looking at or doing or experiencing something that might just be what we’ve been waiting for to break through an old pattern.
  2. Delight in the flexibility and ease hidden in acceptance. When we learn to accept what is with love and empathy, we experience ease and flexibility that is not available to us when we are constantly justifying why things should be this way or arguing with someone because we can’t get a satisfying answer to why they aren’t that way. Trying to exert control over things we have no real control over makes us rigid and, let’s face it, creates a lot of busy work that just doesn’t pay off in the long run.
  3. Celebrate the freedom of taking 100% responsibility for your life and allowing others to do the same. When we own our lives — all the efforts and all the results — and we allow others to own theirs, we release ourselves from the burden of trying to make everything work out for everyone else AND we release everyone else from the burden of having to make our lives work out for us. With all that freedom, we can focus on what we truly want and our energy can be directed to efforts that will yield positive results.
  4. Love yourself with abandon. When we fall in love with someone else, we are willing to overlook their flaws. We can’t wait to spend time with them. We go out of our way to do little things that we know will delight them. Even as the relationship matures, we show our love in a variety of ways: words of praise or affection, quality time, gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and others. When was the last time you treated yourself as sweetly and thoughtfully as you would a lover or a child? Our relationship with self is a perfect place to practice love with abandon. After all, we spend more time with our selves than with anyone else.
  5. Infuse your mind with the excitement of thinking BIG! Possibilities are what shape reality. Our minds are limitless, and they create positive possibilities or negative. When we get excited about thinking BIG we expand our capacity to create bountiful positive possibilities. We break past our current state of being, in our thoughts, and we see a vision of a future that inspires us. And perhaps scares us just a little. Excitement and fear sometimes have similar feelings in our bodies. So we can focus on the fluttery feeling and let it stop us or make us smaller because it feels scary, or we can use the energy that our bodies are producing to ignite us to excited, energized BIG action.
  6. Radiate your gloriously beautiful authentic self. Be willing to shed the layers accumulated through years of careful adherence to rules that no longer serve you. Not only will you feel lighter and have more energy, but your energy will be clearer, more attractive, and easier for others to connect to. You’ll find you can communicate your ideas with greater ease. Your experience of being will be more joyful. You may even find that you really like who you discover underneath all that stuff you’ve been carrying around.
  7. Lovingly gift yourself the luxury of experiencing all the stages of change with understanding and patience. Change can be good, it is true. And it is also true that there is a natural cycle that we all experience as we process the change itself, even if we caused the change to take place. Rather than hurry through that process to get to the other side, rushing to the positive planned result, embrace the experience of each stage with empathy and kindness. The stages are part of the change, and they each deserve to be honored. The experience of pain and loss is no better nor worse in terms of intrinsic value than the experience of joy and celebration. When we learn to embrace each experience with love, we learn to appreciate more of what we already have. We can enjoy where we are now AND where we are going.

Ready to replace something that’s holding you back with something a lot juicier? Remember: when you hear yourself thinking or saying: “I want to stop _____” or “I’d like to let go of ________”, that’s the time to begin creating your super attractive, active positive statement that has real meaning for you. Something you can commit to taking action on, that you can already get excited about, and where you can create an enticing vision of success that inspires and delights you. If you’d like additonal support in creating your super juicy vision, contact me!


Have You Seen This Yet?

Brene Brown: Listening to ShameShame is an unspoken epidemic, the secret behind many forms of broken behavior. Brené Brown, whose earlier talk on vulnerability became a viral hit, explores what can happen when people confront their shame head-on. Her own humor, humanity and vulnerability shine through every word. Click here to watch this inspiring Ted Talk.

About PEL Coaching

PEL Coaching, LLC, is a coaching and consulting company headquartered in the Washington, DC area based on the ideology of Power, Energy, and Leadership. Our philosophy is grounded on the idea that when these three powerful forces are directed, individuals, couples, families, managers, executives, teams, groups, and organizations of all sizes can achieve new levels of satisfaction and success and better manage communication, conflict, and challenge.


New Easy Scheduling

We have an easy-to-use scheduling tool now available on our website. Simply click on the link and schedule your coaching session. Complimentary sessions are available for anyone interested in exploring how coaching can make a difference in your life, relationships, career, or organization. Visit our website for more details.

Your coach, Michelle Kunz

About Michelle Kunz

Michelle earned her Certified Professional Coach (CPC) certification from the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC), an International Coach Federation (ICF) – accredited coach training program. She has also earned the ICF Professional Certified Coach (PCC) credential and is qualified to administer, interpret and debrief the Myers-Briggs, FIRO-B, and Energy Leadership assessments. She is currently accepting a limited number of new clients interested in life coaching, career coaching, executive coaching, or leadership training and development.

Copyright © 2012 PEL Coaching, LLC, All rights reserved.

One “Yes” and one “No”.

“What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” 

The problem with making the “what” question the most important one, is that it comes with the risk of analysis paralysis. The danger is that it is so easy for [us] to get caught up in the “process” of answering that question – via research, exploration, and the like – that [we] never [get] to actually launch anything new. (Jennifer Boykin)

So what if you asked another question instead of “what shall I do to achieve _____?” What if you asked something like “I wonder how I shall enjoy all the new energy I experience when I _____?” OR “I wonder how my relationship will change when I _______?” OR “I wonder how I will release ______, which is holding me back right now?”

OR, you can try the very simple suggestion offered by author Jennifer Boykin. You can choose to say one new YES today and one new NO. Say YES to something new you’ve been dying to try, or perhaps scared to try. And say NO to something completely awful you’ve been waiting to get rid of. Try it! Now is your chance! No analysis, just one yes and one no. Action. Pure and simple. And you get to choose.

In Praise of Baby Steps — A Surefire Way to Break Through the Paralysis of Analysis

How shame keeps you small

Brene Brown: Listening to Shame

Find out the important difference between shame and guilt, how shame shows up differently for men and women, and how secrecy, silence, and judgment keep it growing. Then learn why empathy is the biggest antidote.

Using Procrastination to Your Advantage

In the blog post Procrastination Is Essential to Innovation, Whitney Johnson explores how we can teach ourselves to maximize the energy rush we experience when we wait an optimal length of time to take action. Some new ways of looking at procrastination:

  • When you’re feeling overwhelmed by a new project or commitment, look back on areas of your life where you have previously mastered something new and find the strengths and knowledge you had at that time to bring forward into the new situation.
  • Try taking a broader view. Sometimes when we’re in the middle of things we lose our ability to be objective and may overlook some angle or approach that would work better or create a better outcome. Take a step back and notice how your view changes.
  • Just ask. Sometimes when we most need help is the precise time we are least likely to feel empowered to ask for it. We may feel anxious, embarrassed, overwhelmed, or helpless, and we talk ourselves into a mindset of having to work our way out on our own. When we remind ourselves to simply ask for what we need, even if that means asking someone to listen to us vent or for what seems like the simplest piece of advice, we break out of our self-made prison. That can completely shift our own energy, but of equal importance, someone else may actually have some amazing insight to offer that adds immeasurable value to our experience.

For more information on how procrastination and anxiety influence innovation, read the entire article and explore her book. And approach your own experience with curiosity.

“I wonder how I will harness my own anxiety to propel myself forward today?”

Some Ways to Practice Are More Perfect Than Others

If you want to truly master new skills, whether those skills be athletic, artistic, or interpersonal, effective practice is essential. In a Psychology Today article, Susan Heitler, Ph.D., outlines how to make the most of practicing. Some highlights from the article:

“In addition to continual analysis and re-programming, effective practice includes breaking down complex acts into small components, practicing each of these, and then gradually putting these small components together into increasingly longer sequences.”

“Top flight coaches know the nuances of how to do the activity they are teaching and therefore are able to give detailed feedback… Each suggestion shapes [my actions] toward immediately better and better performance, especially since [the coach] also designs short drills to highlight and help me master any specific mini-skill that I’m repeatedly missing.”

“[For those who do not have their own coach:] They do a specific action, and then they reflect, figuring out what to do differently the next time. They work on small specific sub-skills, and gradually put these together into longer sequences. By the time they tackle the overall project again… their level of performance has bumped up significantly.”

To read the full article:

Learning to let go requires that we understand what that means. And then it requires ongoing awareness and practice.

Letting Go

Figuring out what it doesn’t mean is as important as figuring out what it does. Somewhere in the balance of caring and staying open and realizing that we can’t control anything but our own responses is true inner peace and happiness. When we find that, we become more creative, have more impact, and others are attracted to us. Our natural leadership impact increases.

What would change in your life if you could let go of something you’re hanging on to right now?

Shawn Achor: The happy secret to better work

We believe that we should work to be happy, but could that be backwards? In this fast-moving and entertaining talk from TEDxBloomington, psychologist Shawn Achor argues that actually happiness inspires productivity.

The Happy Secret to Better Work

Gerard van Warmerdam on Lies.

“Have you ever run the same conversation in your head over and over again? You might find that after looking at it for a while you will notice a certain circular pattern. Of course that’s part of the problem, we don’t look at it. That loop of thinking is taking us in a circle, and really being aware and skeptical of the thoughts in our head is not part of the circular logic.  So that circular logic remains in charge of our thoughts and we get dizzy.  Dizzy with lies that is…”

This circular logic thinking applies to any area where our self talk blocks us. Read on, and begin thinking about how to challenge those lies.

Rewriting the narrative on negative self-talk

Just as we draw the map that leads us into the desert of self-doubt and negative self-perception we are also quite capable of re-drawing it, leading us to an oasis of loving-kindness and compassion toward ourselves. We do this by shifting our point of reference for what is our “normal”, and rewriting the narrative of negative self-talk we so often allow to inform our daily lives.

Why artists do what they do

Why artists do what they do

There is something so deeply satisfying about knowing you’ve made a positive difference. Perhaps especially when it happens in an unanticipated way.