Category Archives: career

Mirrors in the Office by Michelle Kunz

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Recent research in neuro-psychology includes the discovery of certain movement neurons which are activated when we observe others making movements we recognize from our own experience. These neurons are called “mirror neurons” and they are so powerfully triggered that to some part of our brains it is as if we actually made the movement ourselves.

Researchers happened on these neurons by accident and did not immediately recognize the full implications. Only after many observations in separate and unrelated experiments did they put together the correlating data and make sense of what they had. The full discovery ignited great excitement in the worlds of psychology and related areas of human behavioral study.

Here’s where it matters for our purposes: we make movements large and small every day. And they have impacts large and small on everyone around us, creating sympathetic and perhaps not-so-sympathetic reactions in others which may not even make sense to those who experience the reactions. For example, if you see me lift my coffee mug and take a sip, you don’t have to move a muscle to know exactly what I am experiencing at every point along the way. If you like coffee, you’ll enjoy that experience, creating a shared experience of pleasure.

If I furrow my brow in anger and draw my lips down in disapproval, you also know what I am experiencing in that moment without you having to be angry or disapproving yourself. And you will most likely not enjoy that experience, perhaps drawing away from me, or even expressing your own anger and disapproval to someone else if you connected deeply to your mirrored experience of anger and disapproval.

Everything we experience is put through our personal set of filters. So there is a great deal of room for error as we rely on our mirror neurons for input. Unfortunately, the part of the brain that processes our reaction to the movements and events triggered by the mirror neurons isn’t aware of those filters and processes the observation and movement data very quickly, unaware that the interpretations may be flawed. So most of the time before we have had the opportunity to become aware of our filters we have already assessed the incoming data and responded as if we KNEW what we were observing to be true based on the data alone.

Using the brow furrowing example, I might make that movement and accompany it with a grimace. Your mirror neurons and your filters interpret that as anger and you have an internal reaction to that, pulling away from me and perhaps, in the extreme, feeling the beginning of anger within you. However, I might merely be concentrating fiercely on a task that I find unpleasant or difficult. Particularly if I combine the brow furrowing and grimace with any kind of verbal exchange that includes tightness in my voice, you may still interpret this concentration as anger, most especially if you are highly sensitive to anger for any reason based on your past experiences.

One of the goals of increasing our self awareness is to increase the gap time between incoming data and response. We desire an increased gap time to allow us the opportunity to examine our filters and choose to engage with or without them in place. This requires practice and patience.

Several questions help us make good use of the discovery of mirror neurons: What data am I putting out for others to mirror? What impact is it having on them? What data am I taking in from others? How are my personal filters engaged to possibly alter my perceptions of that data? What are my default tendencies in response to that data? How can I increase my gap time?

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Where Collaboration Begins by Michelle Kunz

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Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict. William Ellery Channing (1780 – 1842)

So many new ideas are at first strange and horrible, though ultimately valuable that a very heavy responsibility rests upon those who would prevent their dissemination. J. B. S. Haldane (1892 – 1964)

In a recent study on collaboration, BNET and Harris Interactive polled 2093 people and discovered the following:

  • Personality conflicts and egos are among the hardest problems to solve

  • Bad chemistry and poor leadership are often blamed for lack of collaboration

  • Leaders are often not open to new ideas

  • There is a lack of feedback from other team members

  • New ideas are not being tracked

At the heart of teamwork is collaboration, working together to achieve a common goal. But collaboration isn’t just about reaching a goal. Collaboration suggests getting along, consensus building and positive feedback. Why are individuals rating these areas so low if teams depend on these very dynamics to achieve results?

Because leaders are tied up with other activities. The reason new ideas don’t get air time or proper support, feedback across the team is not encouraged and personality and ego issues are at the forefront of team challenges is because the leaders are not at the helm of the ship. They are somewhere in a meeting of their own, on a team of their own, experiencing very similar feelings of frustration. Here are some of the top frustrations I hear from managers:

  • No support for new ideas from upper management

  • Personalities and egos drive organizational agendas

  • Untold hours wasted in pointless meetings

  • Work that actually matters is stymied by bureaucratic procedures or territory wars

Given that the complaints are similar, it would seem that someone somewhere would be capable of validating the experience of everyone else and begin acknowledging the reality of the dysfunctions. In company after company across the U.S., employees are crying out to be heard in their frustration, and motivation and morale continue to suffer while validation and acknowledgement remain off the table.

Someone needs to go first

Let’s assume that upper management has something so important preoccupying them that true organizational health is simply not on the agenda in any real way. Never mind study after study that shows that lack of organizational health has a real connection to the bottom line in terms of employee satisfaction and turnover, productivity and other measurable results. If everyone up in the C Suite is too busy, someone else needs to make a move instead.

This is where the true leaders have an opportunity to shine. I recently met with a manager whose team has excelled in every benchmark in their industry, while teams around them have floundered. Sooner or later, this manager will attract attention simply because the numbers will begin to speak. What is this person doing? Investing great amounts of time and energy in coaching, mentoring, supporting and championing the team members. Regular training meetings, motivational programs, one-on-one coaching opportunities and a very personal relationship with each team member are essential ingredients in this manager’s recipe for success. These programs are not standard for the organization, and come out of the division budget, but the results show that every dollar is money well spent.

Meanwhile, this person still attends the requisite manager meetings and all other organizational meetings, in addition to meeting all the organizational goals and requirements for the team.

And the team? The team works together, supports one another, gives feedback, supports new ideas. In short, they collaborate to make each individual a partner in the overall team success.

Someone has to go first, and it is not likely to be your boss. A leader doesn’t wait around for someone else to go first. By definition, a leader is out in front of the pack, leading. So, would someone on one of those very unhappy teams lacking in collaboration please release themselves from sheep status and step up to be shepherd? Even if you don’t wear the title, earn the position. People who lead change people’s lives. They change the world. And let me offer a little validation here for those of you who share that vision: it is not an easy task to lead. Only the most resilient, creative and flexible –not necessarily the strongest or brightest — will pass the test of time when it comes to leadership.

Collaboration begins when one person decides to get along, to figure out why things aren’t working very well and how they might work better. It doesn’t matter if that person is the titled leader or not. There are many books available to explain personality types, in a variety of theories and presentation styles. Find out a little more about yours and those with whom you work. Do a little detective work and figure out how to make things work a little better. Egos are about fear. Figure out what people are afraid of and you can soothe their egos and get back to the matters of importance. Ideas don’t die unless the people who have them allow them to die. Devise a way to grow your ideas — and those of your team — and track them yourself. Leadership requires creativity.

Powerful leaders do not wait for others. Step up and make a difference. Collaboration begins with you and me and her and him and all of us, wanting it and working for it. Who will go first?

Better Than Any Assigned Mentor by Michelle Kunz

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Never take the advice of someone who has not had your kind of trouble.
– Sidney J. Harris

Nothing is less sincere than our mode of asking and giving advice. He who asks seems to have a deference for the opinion of his friend, while he only aims to get approval of his own and make his friend responsible for his action. And he who gives advice repays the confidence supposed to be placed in him by a seemingly disinterested zeal, while he seldom means anything by his advice but his own interest or reputation.
– Francois De La Rochefoucauld (1613 – 1680)


Mentoring For Success

Many success experts suggest finding a mentor as one way to assure success. Mentoring, as described by Jack Canfield, for example, in The Success Principles, is a fundamental aspect of “seeking out the clues of success.” He dedicates an entire chapter to “Find a Wing to Climb Under.” This chapter begins with instructions to find someone who has already accomplished what you wish to accomplish and seek their advice.

In the August 28 print edition of The Wall Street Journal Elizabeth Holmes wrote a column addressing the limitations of assigned mentor programs. In her article she cited examples of mismatched relationships, poorly run programs, ill defined objectives and lack of mentor commitment among the reasons why such programs might fail.

The trouble with many internal mentoring programs is they fail to make the essential match of determining what it is the mentee wishes to accomplish and who has already done it. In addition to other issues of personality matches and levels of desire for participation, this first test must be met in order for a mentoring relationship to exist. Many organizations simply match mentors and mentees at random. Other managers of internal programs believe they have met this objective based on shared experience and assumptions such as:

  • You must have the same goals as the person supervising you
  • Assigned mentor used to have your current position
  • Transitioned from same company
  • Transitioned from same discipline
  • Shared alma mater

Shared experiences might give you something to talk about, but they may have nothing to do with your professional objectives. Furthermore, if the company were to ask you to identify your objectives in the hope of better matching you to a potential mentor, it is highly unlikely you would feel free to share such information if it included plans to transition to another division or be promoted to CEO.

Companies offer mentoring programs with good intentions. Mentoring can be a path to success, as we have seen. In addition, new hires and new promotions often need additional help, and it would seem that a mentor relationship would make most sense for offering that help. This reflects a misunderstanding of the nature of a mentoring relationship, however, which is to show someone else how you accomplished what they would like to accomplish and guide them through the process. If we are looking simply to help a new hire or a new promotion, there are several non-mentor helping relationships which might be more useful. These include:

  • Buddy: show me where everything is and how it works and introduce me to key people
  • Supervisor: establish key position goals and objectives and walk me through the organizational structure
  • Guru: clue me in on organizational culture and other off-the-record information I can’t find anywhere else

Any of these individuals might also make a great mentor. The key to finding a great mentor is first to understand what you want from them — define your professional objective. A mentor is going to help you see what is possible within the organization and help set expectations of what you can achieve and how. They are going to take an interest in your professional development. In order for that to happen, this individual needs to be far enough ahead of you in the organization that they have perspective and experience.

A buddy can be a peer, and a guru can be anyone who has been there long enough to be in the know. Neither of these are necessarily someone far enough ahead to grant the necessary perspective to make a great mentor. Meanwhile a supervisor may find themselves with conflicting priorities or interests. What is in your best interest long term may be in direct conflict with what they need you to do right now.

Who’s Who?

It takes time to identify someone who makes good mentor material. A quick read of who’s who in the office line-up will not always reflect quality so much as altitude. How they got there is just as important as that they did. In addition, leadership styles matter. Someone who leads with “might makes right” or charisma will not be as good a mentor as someone who leads with a developmental leadership style. If you are new to the organization, ask around about leadership styles. People will likely have a lot of opinions they are happy to share.

Once you’ve identified a good candidate, the only thing left to do is make an appointment and ask. Most people are afraid to ask for what they want. The specific fears are too many to list, but they really are variations of the fear of rejection. We are afraid someone will say “no.” That fear keeps us from asking someone out for a date, asking for that promotion, proposing a great idea, and finding a mentor who can show us the way to the very highest peaks of success. The truth is that if we do get a “no” we are no worse off than we were before except for our pride. If we can learn to manage our egos, we can learn to ask for anything and get much more than we currently have, just because we asked.

Successful people like to share what they have learned. And they want to be asked in a way that makes it seem appealing. Planning how to ask is an important part of the process which leads to a potential “yes.” Developing a plan for the relationship in advance and showing how you plan to do the necessary work to make it a successful venture will certainly make a request much more attractive to a potential mentor.

Once you have found someone who will mentor you, the best way to keep that relationship vital is to follow through with what your mentor suggests. Wasting someone’s time is never a good policy, and with mentors this is particularly true. Since you are ostensibly learning from what they have done, why would you not take their advice? Be very clear on this when you make the decision to enter into the relationship. If you are not prepared to act, do not bother making a proposal.

Alternatives to Assigned Mentoring

After reviewing how a successful mentoring relationship works, it is easy to see why many internal mentoring programs fail. In addition to the fatal flaw of the mismatch of desired to achieved success, without a personal request and commitment on the part of both parties, there is no buy-in. While the mentee may be desperate for help, the objectives may be unclear and help might be better sought through other sources.

If your organization offers assigned mentoring, there are alternatives, such as training and coaching, which provide different benefits but which might be more appropriate solutions for you and your team. Training brings a specific program of skills to the individual or group and, if applied throughout the organization, can offer a certain level of consistency. For new hires, this can be a great choice if getting them up and running is the challenge. You can even develop an internal training program which uniquely addresses your needs.

Coaching can also provide a foundation for consistency if it is designed to do so. In addition, coaching provides a confidential arena for the coachee to explore areas of concern and challenge combined with objective feedback and observation. In the coaching relationship a coachee can try out new skills without concern, explore possibilities, and develop action plans which are tailored to their needs and the needs of the organization. Unlike training, coaching is flexible and provides ongoing support and feedback in a real time environment. Unlike mentoring, coaching does not provide advice, but rather supports the coachee in discovering unique solutions to challenges.

Organizations often opt for internal assigned mentoring programs because there is a perception that training and coaching are more costly. However, when employees are left feeling lost and have no where to turn in spite of having an assigned mentor, what is the cost to the organization and to the employee? Worse, when an organization has offered a benefit which has no actual benefit, but instead lays hidden costs on both the mentor, who feels obligated to spend precious time with someone they have little professional interest in, and the mentee, for whom the relationship can be a burden in a situation where burdens are the precise reason for the relationship, what are the costs?

Ms. Holmes concludes her article with an anecdote from one employee whose best advice came from someone else’s assigned “buddy.” This was someone she felt comfortable going to for help and with whom she shared projects for feedback before presenting them to management. Is this not the essence of a mentor relationship: identify, choose and ask? Powerful leaders know the value of these actions in a mentoring relationship and they provide opportunities for their team members to engage in them as often as needed for their individual and mutual success.

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