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Category Archives: giving
Givers Gain by Michelle Kunz
The Business Network International (BNI) business philosophy is “Givers Gain,” and this seems an appropriate sentiment for the holiday season. Giving is on everyone’s mind during these last weeks of the year. Traditionally, we’re thinking of gifts, how much to spend, what to give to whom, how to get it all done, and feeling a lot of stress about the entire package. But as leaders this seasonal emphasis on giving affords us the opportunity to examine our relationships for an entirely different kind of gift.
Networking
The BNI philosophy is designed to help build networking relationships which really work. Power networkers know that it isn’t merely who you know that matters, it is how much they know that you care about them which infuses your network with potential. In a traditional, personal, face-to-face network, this means spending time with people and truly getting to know who they are and what their business is about. When you make time to regularly meet with members of your first line network, you will begin to find opportunities to give them referrals, introduce them to strategic partners or find other ways in which to help them which are meaningful and lasting. This builds trust and confidence in you which will have lasting future benefits. Who in your network can you give to this holiday season?
Team building
Our teams often see more of us than our friends and families do. They work hard hopefully because they enjoy their work and respect the principles of the organization for which they work. Sometimes the work is more enjoyable than at other times. Often during the holidays people experience a great deal of stress when they have additional family obligations coupled with ongoing job responsibilities. A great leader looks for opportunities not only to lead, but also to be of service to those whom they lead. “Givers Gain” is particularly helpful in scenarios such as these because a leader who can get down into the trenches with their team to finish a project on time and lighten everyone’s load will sow seeds of loyalty and respect with their team members. Such giving must be done with humor and generosity — a sense of “we’re all in this together,” never a sigh of martyrdom or sacrifice. A gift can backfire on the giver if the recipient suspects that giving it makes the giver resentful or that a score is being kept. How can you give to your team this holiday season?
Management special
All year long we do our best to raise our visibility with our supervisors in senior or executive management. We put in extra long hours, spin our creativity wheels to come up with innovative products and solutions, and stir up the fires in our teams to drive up motivation and productivity. What more can we possibly do during the holidays to give something of value? Of all the groups in corporate families, upper management receives the hardest and heaviest of the attacks when it comes to criticism — from all directions. They are constantly under scrutiny and are liable for answers at any time for everything they say and do, and every reported loss or gain the company experiences. At this time of year, perhaps the nicest and most meaningful thing we can do for our managers is stop thinking about our side of the story and consider theirs. A simple, personal and meaningful gesture of gratitude might be all we need to do to shift their experience of being at the helm for a few moments. How can you give to your management team this holiday season?
Jack Canfield speaks eloquently and frequently of exceeding expectations. He describes various ways in which to do this — go the extra mile, give more than people expect, give something above and beyond what is expected — all variations of the “Givers Gain” philosophy. When we go beyond the minimum, think beyond ourselves and into the other person’s situation and needs, give the unexpected and cast aside all concern of what makes us look good, we feel great, others feel great, and the world (even for just a moment) becomes a place of generosity, trust, love and good will.
Michelle Kunz
PEL Coaching
Excellence is Giving by Michelle Kunz
Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 – 1882)
I have come to believe that giving and receiving are really the same.
Giving and receiving – not giving and taking. — Joyce Grenfell
Perfection is taking.
Excellence is giving.
In the second quote, Joyce Grenfell makes an important distinction between receiving and taking. This distinction also gets to the heart of the important difference between perfection and excellence for the purpose of our discussion.
Tracing our steps, perfectionism begins when we become vested in our being right. We become entrenched in the status quo, defending it hotly and building great arguments against change. We gradually come to fear all that change represents as we continue to find every excuse why our way is the best way. This fear leads to anger and frustration when others cannot or will not conform to our ideas about the way things ought to be. As we tighten our grip on our perceived sense of order, we drive others to anger and frustration as they feel our rigidity cutting off their creativity and individuality. Finally, we apply our version of right and wrong to challenges we face and mire ourselves in the tyranny of judgment.
Given the fear-oriented, rigid position of the perfectionist’s view of the world, it is understandable that such a person might be tempted to adopt a “What’s in it for me?” attitude toward challenge, including change, risk and sacrifice. Fear encourages us to see the possibility of loss and/or failure, and as a result, we grasp at everything we have now and what little we see might be available to us in the near future. We want to get and keep a tight hold, in case it all disappears, because this is what we fear most.
The dynamic created by a grasping orientation is essentially one of taking. We reach out and bring to us anything within our reach, whether it is right for us or not. We do this because we are collecting all we can against the possibility of ultimate loss and/or failure. This stockpiling of successes and material goods is an empty endeavor in the end because one can never fill the hole that fear creates deep within.
How are giving and receiving the same?
When we shift our orientation to one of excellence, which is grounded in a willingness to be wrong, gives us confidence to take risks, empowers us and others to be spontaneous, and looks for ways in which to accept what is in the current moment context, we free ourselves to see possibilities instead of failure. This freedom results in an openness to generosity — in both directions. Rather than look for “What’s in it for me?” we begin to shift to “What’s in it for us?” or even the more empowering “What’s in it for you?”
This openness allows us to not only give freely, but also to receive without suspicion or guilt. When we are stuck in a “What’s in it for me?” mentality, it is easy to believe that everyone else is stuck there with us. When we move away to a more open, generous belief system, it doesn’t matter. We take people as they are and appreciate whatever we find because we are looking for possibilities.
Why is giving important in building powerful leadership?
When we begin to give freely and actively seek the advantage for the other person, a marvelous thing happens. Powerful leadership begins to take root. To quote BNI’s motto: “Givers Get.” What do they get? It’s hard to predict exactly, and true givers don’t try to manipulate the outcome. Some of what might come back includes:
- Trust — people trust those who have their interests truly at the center of all they do
- Admiration — people admire those who commit their energies to advancing the common good
- Respect — people respect those who dedicate their time to helping others win
- Wisdom — when we listen deeply to what others need we learn more about ourselves and the world around us
- Humility — giving to others shines a mirror back on all that we have and helps us feel grateful
- Authenticity — giving deeply of ourselves removes the filters we keep in place when we withhold, requiring our true selves to come into focus
- Integrity — aligning our values with principles which do not change greatly simplifies the challenge of walking our talk
These are some of the qualities of a powerful leader. Truly great leaders aren’t always made. Sometimes they simply are. Allowing that to take place can be a much bigger challenge than acquiring an impressive resume or the accoutrements of success. Great leaders know how to let go and allow their best selves to brilliantly shine.